


Justifying the Means

by a1_kitkat



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Beating, Boys Kissing, Broken Charles, Cherik - Freeform, Double Penetration in One Hole, Emma is a bitch, Guilty Erik, Kidnapping, Kink Meme, M/M, Mind Control, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Mind Rape, Non-Consensual Kissing, Poor Charles, Protective Erik, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Shaw Being Evil, X-Men First Class Kink Meme, non-con double penetration, passing out from rape, x-m
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 21:20:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5601400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Making use of Emma's mind control ability, Shaw kidnaps Erik and Charles then forces Erik to repeatedly rape Charles (taking a few turns himself).<br/>Once the ordeal is over, Charles and Erik are forced to confront their feelings for each other while trying to cope with the aftermath of Shaw's actions</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Written for the X-men First Kink prompt meme</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Ordeal

**Author's Note:**

> Link:  
> http://xmen-firstkink.livejournal.com/7634.html?thread=12028370#t12028370
> 
> Prompt:  
> Erik and Shaw take turns continuously fucking Charles until he's crying and in pain and about to pass out, and then they keep going. Non-con marathon sex, essentially. OP has no squicks for this prompt and no objection to them both taking Charles at the same time (in any physical configuration).

Charles was sat on the bed, staring down at the chess board before him. Erik smiled at the sight and was thankful that the telepath had promised never to read his mind. He stared at Charles, waiting for him to make the next move. The telepath looked up and his eyes met with Erik’s.

“Patience my friend” Charles said, smiling.  
“It’s only the second game of the night” Erik replied. “At this rate we’ll still be going come morning”  
“You can’t rush a good game”

Erik smiled in response and leaned back in his chair. Charles returned his attention to the board and examined his options. In truth, he was intentionally dragging the game out. They were shipping out for Russia the following day and he was worried about leaving Raven behind. Yes, he knew she would be safe with the other recruits and the CIA agents watching over her but he’d never been so far away from her before.

Charles reached out, picked up a piece and moved it several squares.  
“Good move” Erik encouraged him.  
“Thank you” Charles replied.

There was a sudden crack of noise and when Erik looked up, Shaw’s henchmen Azazel was standing behind Charles. Before he could do anything, Azazel reached out and grabbed hold of Charles then instantly vanished.

“Charles!” Erik called. It had happened so quickly that the telepath probably hadn’t seen it coming.  
Erik leapt to his feet just as there was another loud noise and Azazel returned. This time accompanied by Shaw & Emma. Shaw was wearing a ridiculous looking helmet and Emma was already in diamond form. As Erik went to attack, he found himself frozen on the spot.

‘You don’t want to attack us’ Emma’s voice penetrated his mind. ‘You want us to take you to Charles’  
Erik tried to clench his fist in anger but for some reason found he couldn’t move. He realized he’d underestimated Emma’s abilities.

‘You will do everything I say’ Emma continued. ‘You will listen only to me and Sebastian. Anything we say and tell you to do, you will do… And you’ll enjoy it… No matter what else you hear, who else tries to talk to you, you will only hear us, only listen to us and only do as we command’

Azazel reached out and grabbed Erik’s arm. Emma was holding Shaw’s and reached out with her other hand to grip Azazel. Seconds later they were standing in a completely different location.  
Charles was there and his face filled with both relief and dread. He was relieved to see Erik but afraid of what was going to happen to them and, more importantly, what Shaw was going to do to Erik.

“Erik?” Charles tried to address his friend.  
The other man completely ignored him. Charles tried to reach him telepathically but Emma appeared to be blocking him.

“Azazel, leave us” Shaw stated.  
Charles looked up and saw Azazel vanish, leaving him and Erik alone with Shaw and Emma. The telepath moved towards Erik and stopped by his side. He closed his fingers around Erik’s arm. The older man didn’t even look at him.

“Erik?” Charles whispered.  
He gently shook Erik’s arm but the older man didn’t even flinch. Charles tried to peer into Erik’s mind but he was still being blocked. His heart was pounding in his chest as he finally turned and looked at Sebastian and Emma.  
She was standing before him in diamond form, her body glistening in the semi-dark room. Shaw stood beside her, wearing a helmet and smiling at him. Charles tightened his grip on Erik’s arm.  
He tried to reach out with his mind but he couldn’t hear a thing. He swallowed hard as fear started to creep inside him.

“What do you want?” Charles asked them. Emma simply smiled.  
“What do I want?” Shaw replied. He too was smiling. “I want to achieve my goals… I see a beautiful future for all mutant kind but I fear you will try to stop me… us… from bringing this future to fruition”  
“What have you done to Erik?”  
This time, Shaw laughed at the question.  
“I don’t trust him” Shaw replied. “He wants to kill me”  
“You killed his mother”  
“I’ll do whatever is necessary to achieve my goals… Which brings us back to why you’re both here”

Erik still stood stoically by Charles’s side. It unnerved him.  
Charles was used to Erik spending long stretches of time not talking or even moving but right now wasn’t the time. He knew Erik and right now he should be antagonizing Shaw, not standing idly by while Shaw tormented them.

“He wants to break you” Emma stated. “Both of you”  
“Erik is broken enough” Charles replied as he stepped in front of his friend. “Leave him out of this”  
“But where’s the fun in that?” Shaw asked.

Charles narrowed his eyes in anger, wishing he could use his powers on Shaw but Emma was still blocking him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so helpless.

“Erik” Emma spoke aloud. “Listen to my voice and do only as I say”  
“Erik” Charles turned and looked at the older man. “Don’t let her in”  
“Tell us how you feel about Charles” Emma asked.  
“No, Erik!” Charles pleaded.  
“I love him” Erik replied. His voice was normal, calm and collected. 

Charles closed his eyes. He knew how Erik felt about him… He’d caught glimpses of it in Erik’s mind; the older man projected his thoughts a lot, especially during his sleep. He wanted to feel happy at finally hearing Erik say the words out loud but now really wasn’t the time.  
He opened his eyes and looked at Erik, who was staring at Emma. In that moment he thought of all those wasted moments they’d spent together while recruiting the other mutants. He’d lain in bed at night, kept awake by the dreams Erik had been having, but not once had he been brave enough to tell Erik that he felt the same way about him.  
One night, he’d come so very close to saying something… Had even been on the verge of kissing the older man but Moira had burst into the room and interrupted them.

“Erik” Charles whispered.

“No, you don’t” Emma said to Erik. “You don’t love Charles right now. You don’t feel anything for him”  
“Now, now, Emma” Shaw scolded her. “Let’s not be too harsh on our dear Erik… You want him, Erik. You want Charles with every fibre of your being… You want to possess him, to claim him, to mark him…”

Charles swallowed hard. He turned his head, looking at Erik then turning his attention to Emma and Shaw then back to Erik. His friend wasn’t showing any signs of resistance… He seemed to be looking at Charles with a new fire in his eyes.

‘You want to fuck him’ Emma said to Erik. ‘He wants it just as much as you do’  
Erik’s eyes flickered towards Charles. His friend was standing right in front of him, staring up at him with wide eyes.  
‘He likes playing games’ Emma continued. ‘He’s going to pretend to fight you, maybe even beg you to stop but its’ all part of the game. He wants you to take him, to fuck him… he wants you to do everything you can think of to him… He wants you to keep going, all night long… no matter how exhausted you are, how tired he is… You have to share him too. Let Sebastian have some fun with him too, understand?’

Charles still had his back to Erik and was staring at Emma. He knew she was saying something to either Erik or Shaw or both. His heart began to beat twice as fast.  
‘Erik?’ he tried to reach into his friend’s mind but Emma’s powers continued to block him. Shaw simply stood idly by, smiling to himself.

He wasn’t given any warning. Charles was standing his ground when he felt a strange pulling sensation coming from his metal belt buckle and his watch. His entire body was sent across the room and he found himself held up against the wall.

“Erik?” Charles began.  
His friend was moving towards him with a hard look in his eyes. He swallowed his nerves as Erik raised his hand and cupped Charles’s cheek, squeezing it tightly in his palm. He leaned forward and brought their lips together in a deep, harsh kiss. Their very first kiss! Charles wanted to respond, wanted to let him in and taste Erik in his mouth but he didn’t want their audience to see him reacting positively.

‘Erik? Please?’ Charles silently pleaded. ‘Fight them. Don’t let them control you’

Erik couldn’t hear him. His body was obeying Emma’s commands. He pressed his body against Charles’s, enjoying the feeling of being so close to the man he’d loved these past few weeks. If he thought it strange that Charles wasn’t returning his kisses he showed no sign of it. Erik simply kissed him harder, possibly bruising the other man’s lips.  
He ran his hand down Charles’s chest, opening his shirt buttons as he went. Erik released Charles and his friend relaxed his stance, relieved to be able to move of his own choice.

Charles brought his hand up and placed it upon Erik’s heart.  
“Please, Erik?” he said aloud.  
“Ignore him, Erik” Emma instructed him.

The younger man closed his eyes in defeat. He didn’t want to just give up without a fight but he was realistic. He couldn’t use his powers on Emma or Shaw and he couldn’t reach Erik as Emma was in control of him. Charles could do the math; there was only one of him and three of them.

Erik reached up and swiftly removed Charles’s shirt. He tossed it aside while using his powers to unbuckle Charles’s pants.  
“Erik!” Charles cried as he felt Erik’s hands on his waist. Their eyes met briefly before Erik roughly lowered Charles’s trousers and underwear. The telepath tried to take a step back but he stumbled over his pants and fell back against the wall.

‘You can’t just give up!’ he told himself.  
Erik took a step towards him so Charles held up his hands, placing them upon Erik’s chest. This time he put his weight behind it and tried to push Erik away. The older man reacted by punching Charles in the stomach.  
The younger man fell to his knees, the wind knocked out of him. Erik knelt beside him and hastily removed Charles pants and shoes.  
Charles remained on the ground, completely naked, and wrapped his arms around himself. He wondered what he would achieve by fighting this… Not that he’d be any match for Erik or Shaw. Hell, he probably wouldn’t even be able to fight Emma in hand to hand combat. He never learnt to fight, had never condoned violence and had always had his powers to help him out of tricky situations… Of course he’d never prepared himself for a situation like this.

“Stand up, Charles” Shaw instructed him.  
“No” Charles replied.  
“Stand up”  
“No”

He didn’t see Erik’s fist but he felt it connect with his face. The force of the punch knocked him down and his face met with the floor. Then Erik was straddling him, his body a strong, heavy weight on his naked chest. He closed his eyes and received three slaps across his cheek.

“Erik, please?” Charles said. “Don’t do this”  
“Now, Erik!” Shaw instructed. “Stop stalling”

Erik’s weight lifted off him and Charles took a deep breath. He felt Erik’s hands, so familiar yet so foreign right now, turn him over. Charles could feel Erik’s fingers in his hair as one hand pressed his face into the floor. He sensed the movement above him as Erik fumbled with his own pants. Charles knew what was going to happen next and tried to think of a logical way out of it. He didn’t want this to be happening… Yes, he wanted Erik, he loved him and wanted to be with him but not like this.

He reached up and grabbed hold of Erik’s wrist, trying to make the older man let go of his grip on Charles’s head. Without thinking, he dug his fingernails into Erik’s skin. The older man hissed and pulled his hand away. Charles tried to roll away but Erik grabbed hold of him. He used the hand Charles had hurt to deliver a series of slaps upon the telepath’s exposed ass cheeks.  
Charles yelped in shock for two reasons. The blows were quick and forceful so they hurt but his body reacted by sending a signal to his cock which instantly hardened.

“Erik?” Charles cried. “Please, no!”  
“Erik!” Shaw shouted. “Get on with it!”

When he felt Erik’s hands parting his cheeks, Charles closed his eyes and tried to think of something else. He tried to think of happier moments… His first meeting with Erik; their shared time together recruiting others like them; the first time Erik had beaten him at chess.  
All these thoughts vanished as he felt Erik’s cock breach him. His friend hadn’t taken the time to prepare him. One minute Erik’s hands were on him and the next his hard cock was forcing its way inside Charles.

He couldn’t help the pained scream that escaped his lips as his friend breached him. Charles had never felt a pain like it before and instantly feared there would be worse still to come.  
Erik’s hand sneaked back into Charles’s hair, pressing his face into the floor again and holding him still as Erik painfully thrust inside him. With each buck of Erik’s hips, Charles whimpered in pain.  
He dared to open his eyes. He could see Emma and Shaw staring down at the two of them. Emma was smiling while Shaw looked… intrigued. 

Erik could see his friend in pain. He could feel Charles struggling beneath him and tried his best to hold him still. He didn’t look at his friend’s face. He kept his hand on the back of his neck, doing his best not to make eye contact.  
He knew it was all part of the plan, he had to do this; he had to fuck Charles senseless… He knew he had to do it, he just didn’t know why.  
He could hear the pain in Charles’s cries but it wasn’t registering in his mind as pain… Erik could hear the whimpering but it only made him thrust harder.

Emma turned to Shaw.  
“He’s impressive” she said.  
“What else can you make him do?” Shaw asked her.  
“Whatever you wish… I can make him fuck Charles to death”  
“No, that won’t be necessary… I don’t wish the telepath dead”

Erik could feel his orgasm building as he bucked his hips again and again. He grasped at Charles’s hair while his other hand gripped the younger man’s thigh, his fingernails digging into the pale skin and leaving small marks.

Charles was fighting back tears as his body reacted to Erik’s violation. The pain shooting through him was unbearable while his hard cock was being stimulated by being pressed between his body and the hard floor. He bit down on his lip to hold back his sob as Erik buried himself deep inside Charles and gave in to his orgasm. The telepath cried out as Erik’s seed filled his ass. He sobbed with relief when Erik painfully slid out of him.

His heart was pounding and he gasped for breath but he didn’t move from his spot on the floor. Charles knew that wasn’t going to be the end of it. Shaw had more up his sleeve, he was certain of it.

“Have a rest, Erik” Shaw said.

Charles felt Erik leaving him. The older man stood up and Charles tried to say ‘no’. He knew it was crazy but he didn’t want Erik to walk away from him. Even after what he’d just done, Charles wanted Erik by his side, within arms reach.

The telepath tried to lift himself up but he couldn’t bring himself to move. His body felt like it had been drained of all its energy. He opened his eyes and turned his head, watching as Erik moved a few feet away and sat down with his back against the wall. Erik was readjusting his pants while he regained his breath.  
Charles couldn’t even make himself wipe the unshed tears from his own eyes.

He felt another pair of arms on him. Someone was rolling him over onto his back. Charles found himself staring up at Shaw who towered above him. The older man was grinning down at the younger man. He seemed rather amused by Charles’s semi-hard cock.

“See?” Shaw said. “I knew you’d enjoy that”  
“No” Charles whimpered.  
“It’s okay, Charles. I promise you’ll enjoy this too”

Charles’s eyes widened in shock as he watched Shaw reach for his own belt. His heart raced and he hastily looked around for a weapon of some kind. There was nothing in the room aside from the four of them. He looked at Erik, desperately hoping his friend would come to his aid.  
‘Erik?’ Charles cried. ‘Stop him, please? Please, help me!’  
Erik made no indication of hearing Charles’s pleas although the telepath knew his attempt to reach Erik was in vain.

Charles tried to sit up, hoping he could at least crawl away from Shaw but the older man just laughed. He dropped to the floor and parted Charles’s legs.  
“Oh Erik” Shaw looked over at Erik. “You made him bleed. Guess I’ll have to be gentler with him”

Despite his words, Shaw was not even the slightest bit gentle with Charles. In fact his assault was more harried, harsh and painful than Erik’s had been. Within minutes Charles was crying real tears, not bothering to hold them back. The pain inside him was excruciating, he could literally feel himself being torn apart by Shaw.  
He balled his hands into fists and tried to punch Shaw but his arms wouldn’t reach. His lack of energy meant he could barely lift his arms much less cause actual pain to someone else.

“Please, stop!” Charles begged. “No… No… Please?”  
He hated himself, he hated this and he hated Shaw. He tried to focus all his power at once and send a wave of telepathy towards Emma but she was prepared and blocked his attempt.  
It wasn’t much of a relief when Shaw’s orgasm overcame him and he too shot his load deep inside the telepath. Charles could feel both Erik and Shaw inside him and it made him feel physically sick. His entire body was crying for help but the only response he got was Emma’s laughter inside his head.

“Your turn, Erik” Emma said.

Charles managed to pull himself up, hoping to crawl into the corner and have a moment to regain some of his strength. He watched as Erik stood up and approached him. He instantly started shaking his head. No, he wasn’t ready for another round. He’d already had more than enough. He’d barely pulled himself into a sitting position when Erik’s arms slid around his body.  
Then Erik’s lips were on his neck and, despite the pain in his body, he longed to lose himself in the feeling of Erik’s lips on his skin especially when Erik’s hand slid down his chest and began to tease Charles’s cock.

“Erik” Charles whispered.  
He felt himself being pulled to his feet. His body pressed against the wall and his weight being supported by Erik. He tried to reach out with his mind, to ask Erik to stop but despite his attempts, Erik was completely beyond his reach.  
Knowing his powers weren’t going to help him here, Charles decided to throw caution to the wind. He tried to ignore the pain in his body and he threw his arms around Erik’s neck. The younger man pulled Erik towards him and brought their lips together in a deep, intense kiss.  
Charles closed his eyes and thought about each time he’d longed to do this, the nights spent watching Erik and dreaming of kissing him. All the dreams he’d had involving the older man… He took every emotion he’d ever felt for Erik and projected them in that one kiss.

He felt Erik responding in kind. Erik wrapped his arms around Charles’s waist and held him tightly in his arms, kissing him with as much love he could.

“I’m losing him” Emma said to Shaw. “He’s fighting me”  
“I’ll stop him” Shaw replied.

He moved towards his captives. The two men were still kissing. Erik was now supporting Charles’s body so Shaw came up beside them. He managed to step behind the couple, lowering his pants as he moved. Shaw looked at Emma before he wrapped his arms around Charles and grabbed hold of Erik’s waist, effectively trapping the younger man between their bodies.  
In one swift movement, he buried his cock inside Charles and laughed at the pained scream that escaped the telepath’s throat. 

The kiss now broken, Erik could only watch as Shaw slammed into Charles’s body over and over again. The look of fear and whimpers of pain that emitted from his friend appeared to have no effect on Erik. The older man stayed perfectly still, holding Charles’s in position for Shaw to hurt him. Charles stared directly into Erik’s eyes, his vision blurred by his unshed tears.

“Erik” Charles sobbed.

He knew there was nothing more he could do to get through to Erik. All he could do now was accept his fate and pray that Shaw would grow bored of this sooner rather than later. Charles kept his arms around Erik’s neck, attempting to draw strength from his friend’s embrace.  
When Erik leaned forward and kissed the salty tears from his face, it only made Charles sob harder. Shaw didn’t say a word as he pounded into Charles again and again. Then the inevitable happened, the pain became too much for him and Charles passed out.

*****

He awoke some time later due to a constant tapping against his cheek. When Charles managed to open his eyes, he realized the tapping was actually Erik’s hand attempting to slap him back to consciousness. He blinked several times before releasing a low groan of pain. His entire body ached as he attempted to sit up but he couldn’t move.  
Charles opened his eyes and slowly lifted his head. Erik was sitting on the floor beside him, his hand now resting on Charles’s neck. The younger man turned his head from side to side but couldn’t see anyone else in the room with them.

“Erik?” he whispered.  
‘Erik?’ he tried to get inside his friend’s head but his powers were still being blocked.

“Erik?” Charles tried again. “I know this isn’t you… That they’re making you do this… I just… I want you to know that I…”

There was a loud noise and suddenly Shaw, Emma and Azazel were back.  
“Ahhhh, you’re awake” Shaw smiled happily. “I hated having to stop but it wasn’t much fun once you passed out on us”

Charles tried to sit up but his hands and legs didn’t want to obey him. He looked down and realized his hands were tied together as were his legs.

“Just a precaution” Shaw explained. Azazel moved forward and untied Charles’s legs. The younger man instantly lashed out and kicked him. Azazel just laughed before handing the rope to Shaw.  
For brief moment Charles feared Shaw would let Azazel have his way with him and he felt the colour draining from his face.

“Now there’s an idea” Emma laughed. “Sebastian?”  
“No” Charles cried. “Please no”  
“Don’t worry, Charles” Emma assured him. “You’re not his type”  
His relief was short lived at Shaw’s next words.  
“I hope you’re well rested because you’re not getting any more breaks”  
“Wha…?” Charles trailed off, unsure if he wanted to get an answer to his question.

Once again, there was no warning and Charles was taken by surprise. With his hands still tied together, he was pushed face first onto the floor and was unable to brace himself. His head connected with the solid floor and he groaned in pain. He sensed a cut forming on his forehead and silently hoped he’d pass out from blood loss.  
He felt his cheeks being parted followed by the familiar pain of being breached. A cry of pain emitted from his lips but was drowned out by the laughter of those bearing witness to his pain.

“Please? Stop!” Charles cried. “It… it hurts”  
“It’s supposed to” Emma giggled to herself.

Erik’s fingers dug into his thighs, holding him painfully hard. He couldn’t pull away, couldn’t fight him off, could barely even move. Charles closed his eyes but it only intensified the pain. He thought of all the times he’d dreamed of this… being taken by Erik, giving his body over to his friend, and he forced himself not to cry.

“Tell me, Erik” Emma asked. “How does it feel?”  
“It’s good” Erik’s voice sounded so normal that it tugged at Charles’ heart.  
“How good?”  
“He’s tight… Very tight… I don’t think he’s ever done this before”

Charles bit his lip to hold back a sob. Erik was right, he hadn’t done this before. He’d thought about it, dreamed about it, longed for it… But not like this, never like this! He wanted to pretend it was all some horrible nightmare. That he and Erik had finished their chess game and he was now tucked away safely in his own bed, being plagued by this nightmare…  
‘It’s only a dream’ he told himself.

Erik’s fingers dug into Charles’ thigh, holding him in place as he thrust in and out of the telepath. Charles could hear Emma’s laughter in his head as he whimpered in pain. Each time Erik would pull out, Charles would have a moment of hope before he painfully slammed back in. He closed his eyes but his tears still seeped from beneath his lashes.

Shaw took a step towards them. He reached out and wiped the tears from the young man’s cheeks. Charles didn’t open his eyes, didn’t want to look at Shaw, didn’t want to see the sick gleam of triumph on his face.  
Had his eyes been open, he would have seen what was in store. He felt something hard and salty brush his lips but he kept his mouth firmly closed. Shaw grasped Charles’ hair and firmly pulled at his locks. The telepath cried out in pain. The moment his lips parted, Shaw shoved his cock into Charles’ mouth.

The telepath gagged as he tried not to choke. Shaw tightened his grip in Charles’ hair, holding him in place so he couldn’t pull away. Then the older man began to thrust his hips, moving his cock in and out of Charles’ mouth.  
The younger man fought back tears as Shaw fucked his mouth and Erik fucked his ass. All he could do was close his eyes and pray it would be over sooner rather than later.  
Erik became more aggressive as he grew closer to orgasm. He thrust harder and faster, working himself closer and closer to the brink. He watched as Shaw’s cock slid in and out of Charles’ mouth and he groaned.

Then Shaw gave a loud cry and pulled away.  
“You little-” Shaw trailed off. He raised his hand and slapped Charles hard across the face. “You bite me again and I WILL let Azazel have you”  
Charles stared up at Shaw as the older man leered above him.

“Erik, stop!”  
Shaw snapped at the other man who instantly ceased his thrusting. Charles whimpered in pain as Erik pulled his cock free of his ass. The telepath looked up as his friend came into his line of sight and stood next to Shaw, saw the older man lean in and whisper something in Erik’s ear while glaring down at him.

Then Erik took a step towards him, grasping his cock in his hand and working himself closer and closer to his impending orgasm. Shaw also moved closer to Charles and grabbed hold of his arm, pulling him onto his knees in front of Erik. The telepath was inches away from Erik’s cock, couldn’t tear his eyes away from it… There were traces of blood on the tip, Charles’ blood.  
Shaw grasped Charles’ hair and pulled, forcing him to tilt his head back. Then his fingers tightened around his locks.

Erik moved closer, his hand furiously working his shaft then he stopped and firmly grasped his hard cock. He reached out with his other hand and gently grasped Charles’ cheek. The telepath closed his eyes. Shaw tugged at his hair.

“Keep them open” Shaw growled.  
Charles opened his eyes and stared up at Erik who towered above him, gazing down with vacant eyes.  
“Erik” Charles whispered. “Please, don’t do this”  
He tried to hold back his tears but he also refused to blink which caused his eyes to water. He hoped that maintaining eye contact would work on his friend but Erik’s eyes were dark and harsh. 

Erik tightened his grip on Charles’ cheek then took one final step, closing the gap between them. Erik’s cock was so close to his face that Charles could smell traces of cum and he tried not to gag. The older man tilted the telepath’s head back that little bit further. Charles was breathing very heavily as Erik grasped his hardened shaft and directed it towards his friends lips.  
He held the base in his firm grip then brought his cock down upon Charles’ face, slapping his cheek. Charles heard Shaw laughing at him as Erik did it again and again.

“Enough playing” Shaw said to Erik.

He tightened his grip on Charles’ hair and pulled firmly. The younger man cried out in pain as Erik began to work himself again. After several strokes, his friend came; stream after stream of sticky, salty cum sprang from the tip and covered Charles’ face. Several drops landed in his open mouth, another hit his left eye. Shaw laughed as a trail of it fell upon Charles’ hair.

The telepath told himself not to cry as Shaw, Emma and Azazel laughed at him. He was naked, on his knees, bound, helpless, and now covered in his best friend’s semen. He couldn’t image feeling more humiliated.  
“Did you enjoy that, Charles?” Shaw whispered in his ear. “You dirty little slut”  
He was wrong… Now this was more humiliating.

Erik was still half hard; Charles wondered how many more times he was going to be subjected to this sick torture. He looked up at his friend’s face, hating that he couldn’t see any traces of Erik behind the man’s eyes. Emma’s powers were much stronger than Charles had anticipated.  
He lowered his gaze and stared down at the floor. Shaw finally released him, forcefully pushing him forward. Charles fell to the ground, with barely enough time to brace himself with his bound hands.

He reached up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Shaw slapped him across the back of the head.  
“Save it for later, Charles” Shaw said to him.  
The younger man wasn’t even game enough to try spitting the taste from his mouth, believing Shaw would merely hit him again.

Shaw’s laughter sent chills down Charles’ spine as he stared down at the floor. He didn’t move, didn’t even blink just continued to gaze at the ground but not really seeing it. Charles retreated into his mind, trying so desperately to reach through whatever Emma had done to Erik. He closed his eyes but each time he tried to prod his friend’s mind, all he could see was Emma laughing at him.

Fingers curled in his hair, yanking him back and pulling him onto his knees. Charles opened his eyes and could see Erik standing at Emma’s side, Azazel was gone but Charles could feel Shaw’s hand still in his hair, pulling ever so slowly. He winced at the pain but gritted his teeth to stop himself from saying something to antagonize the older man.  
Shaw was right behind him. His fingers twirling through Charles’ locks as his other hand trailed down the telepath’s naked chest. Charles continued to bite his tongue; he knew he should fight back but he didn’t want to give Shaw more reason to get rough with him or, another possibility, the older man could hurt Erik.  
Charles could taste Erik’s come in his mouth but that wasn’t what was making him feel sick. Shaw’s hand brushed down his chest, stomach and abdomen before closing over Charles’ cock. Then he began to slowly stroke the entire length. Charles didn’t know what to do or where to look. He saw the vacant expression on Erik’s face and his heart beat that little bit faster.  
He felt a familiar stirring in his cock and his face flushed. Reacting as fast as he could, he lashed out and pushed Shaw’s hand away from him.

The older man was having none of it. He snapped something that Charles didn’t quite hear and forcefully shoved the telepath back onto the floor. This time Charles landed on his back and found himself staring up at Shaw who was leering down at him.  
He wanted to be sick. His cock had started reacting to Shaw’s touch. His body was betraying him and he wasn’t quite sure how to stop it but the last thing he wanted was for Shaw to have such control over him.

“Oh Charles” Shaw taunted him. “It’s only fair you get to enjoy it as much as we do”

Charles lashed out with his foot and caught Shaw off-guard. The older man lost his balance but only just. He landed on his knee so he quickly shifted his position so he was straddling Charles.

“You’ve had your fun” Charles whispered. “Now let Erik go”  
“Now where’s the fun in that? I need both of you here for the big finish”  
Charles’s eyes widened with slight trepidation. What more could Shaw possibly plan to do to them?  
“It’ll all be over soon, Charles” Shaw assured him.

Then Shaw’s weight was gone and Charles daren’t breathe with relief. A moment later something hard hit his side and Charles rolled over to protect himself. Shaw was kicking him! Before he could really accept that Shaw was resorting to basic kicking and punching, the pain became more intense as Shaw’s assault grew more intense and painful. The older man seemed to be content to simply kick any part of Charles’ body that he could reach.  
This went on for several minutes, until Charles was blinking back tears from a well-placed kick to his head. Just as quickly as it started, it was over.

Shaw pulled the weakened Charles off the floor, pulling him into a sitting position and brushing his hair back from his face. Without thinking, Charles spat in Shaw’s face. The older man merely laughed at him then turned and called something over his shoulder.  
Then Erik was by his side, pulling Charles into his arms. The telepath was too exhausted to fight back. Erik sank to his knees in front of his friend then pulled Charles into his lap. He reached up and placed his hand upon Charles’ cheek, wiping away a stray tear. The tiny, affectionate gesture caused several more tears to trickle down Charles’ face.

He just wanted it to be over. He wanted to be back home with Raven, before any of this had happened… No, maybe not all this. Maybe just back to the night he and Erik had first met or to one of the nights they’re shared a hotel room while out searching for recruits for their mission. He wanted it to just be him and Erik, alone, playing chess or maybe even, god willing, holding each other close and tasting each other’s lips.

His fantasy broke when Erik’s lips found his and he found himself returning the embrace. He knew he shouldn’t, that Erik was being controlled by Emma and therefore wasn’t willingly kissing Charles.  
Tears continued to fall as Charles returned Erik’s kisses. He couldn’t seem to stop himself. Erik’s hands ran down his back and cupped his already sensitive ass, parting the cheeks.

‘No’ Charles’ mind screamed into their kiss. ‘Please, no?’

He didn’t want to be taken again. Each time caused him so much pain… But Erik couldn’t hear him. Charles felt his cheeks being separated. Then Erik was inside him and he couldn’t stop the strained cry that escaped his lips at the painful intrusion.  
The tears flowed more freely as Erik bucked his hips, thrusting up into Charles’ abused body. Charles didn’t know what to do. He was too weak and in too much pain to fight. He just wanted to collapse in Erik’s arms and pray for it to be over soon but he knew it was wrong to want comfort from the man who was hurting him… Even if it wasn’t Erik’s fault that he was hurting Charles.

The telepath was too focused on his mixed feelings and pain to notice what anyone else was doing. He didn’t see Shaw approach from behind, didn’t even sense his presence until the older man was right behind him, pressing his body against Charles’ back.

“No!” Charles cried out.  
“Yes” Shaw whispered in the younger man’s ear.

Shaw’s hands gripped Charles’ ass, his thumbs dipping inside the crack and brushing against Erik’s cock.  
“No! Please?” Charles hated himself for begging but he feared what was going to happen next.  
“Shhhhhhhh, Charles” Shaw whispered in his ear. “It’ll all be over soon”

Then Shaw’s cock was pressing inside Charles and the telepath screamed in agony. It was like nothing he’d ever felt before. He was used to different forms of pain in his head but not in his body, not down there. It hurt so damn much!  
Both Erik and Shaw began to thrust inside Charles at the same time.  
The younger man didn’t try to fight back the tears anymore, allowing them to flow freely down his cheeks as he whimpered in absolute pain, hoping and praying the two men wouldn’t last long. He felt one of them brush his prostate and he screamed.  
Shaw’s hand immediately clamped upon Charles’ mouth, effectively silencing him. He stared at Erik’s blank face from behind his tear filled eyes. Erik reached up and brushed several tears from his face which only caused more tears to form. He didn’t want Erik touching him so tenderly while fucking him so painfully.

It was too much. He couldn’t do this… He couldn’t bare it.  
The pain was just too much. Then it all went dark.

*****

Erik could see everything his body was doing but he had no control over any of it. He was a prisoner in his own body despite all attempts to break free. He’d come very close once, when Charles had kissed him and he’d been completely overwhelmed with the desire to fight Emma and be able to return Charles’ kiss with every fibre of his being but Emma had been too strong.

He was forced to watch as his body inflicted so much pain upon his friend. Erik couldn’t believe how much Charles was willing to take. The telepath tried to fight and Erik couldn’t have felt prouder. There was a fire, a determination in Charles’ eyes… But it didn’t take long for the fire to diminish, replaced with tears of defeat.  
Erik wanted to kill every person in that room then run off into the night, take Charles somewhere safe where he could protect and love him.

When Charles passed out in Erik’s arms, he felt a rage unlike any he’d ever felt before. Charles had fought so hard, had made it so far… Erik feared what would happen when his friend awoke, what kind of torture Shaw still had in store for them.

But to his surprise, once Shaw had had his fill of Charles, the older man said something to Emma and a moment later Azazel had returned. Erik watched as Shaw and Azazel teleported from the room, leaving Erik with Emma and the unconscious Charles.  
Time passed but all Erik could do was sit and stare at Charles’ unmoving body. He wanted to reach out, touch him, tell him he was sorry, that he loved him… But he just sat there.  
Emma made snarky comments to him which he tried to ignore.

Once Shaw and Azazel returned, Erik noticed the older man had showered and was immaculately dressed. Then Erik felt himself getting to his feet, crossing the room and pulling his own clothes back into something that could be considered presentable. He still had no control of himself as he moved.

Charles remained unconscious on the ground.

“Thank you for your help, Erik” Shaw said to him. “I’m sure this was a night none of us will ever forget”  
Erik tried to lash out but Emma was still laughing at him inside his head. He watched as Shaw crossed the room and slapped Charles, attempting to wake him.  
Then Azazel was in front of Erik, blocking his view of both Shaw and Charles.  
The next thing he knew, he was back in the room at the CIA facility. Azazel was by his side but vanished a second later. The chessboard was exactly as they’d left it however long ago. 

“Charles?” Erik called.  
He could speak! He could move! But he was alone; there was no sign of Charles…


	2. The Aftermath

Erik immediately hurried to the door and threw it open but the hall was empty. He ducked back into the room. Azazel had brought him back; surely Charles wouldn’t be far behind… Unless Shaw intended to keep Charles..? He quickly pushed that thought aside. Whatever sick game Shaw had been playing with them must be over now, he’d sent Erik back so why not Charles too?  
Erik couldn’t shake the feeling in the pit of his stomach. Shaw had essentially let him go! That had to mean he was going to release Charles too? But what if he didn’t? He had no idea where they’d been taken, how long they’d been gone or if he’d ever be able to find the place. He had no chance of completing a successful rescue mission but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try.

Then he heard it... Charles’ voice was in his head and Erik was out the door without even thinking about it. He tried not to run, there were guards everywhere and he didn’t want to attract their attention. He caught sight of a clock on the wall that indicated they’d been gone for over five hours. Erik wondered if anyone had even noticed their disappearance.  
He threw the door open and ran outside into the courtyard. The statue Alex had destroyed was still in pieces, having not been cleaned up yet. His eyes scanned the vicinity. In the far corner beside one of the concrete slabs, was a curled up and naked Charles.

Erik growled in anger. Yet another sick joke of Shaw’s; sending Erik back to the room they’d grabbed them from but leaving Charles outside in the dark, alone and naked; vulnerable.  
He hurried to his friends’ side, dropped to his knees and pulled his jacket off. He reached up to drape it over Charles’ shoulders but the telepath hissed and pulled away from him.

“Charles?” Erik whispered. “It’s me… It’s just me… Emma’s gone, Shaw’s gone… We’re back… You’re safe now”  
Charles made a noise somewhere between a snort and a derisive laugh. Erik tried again with the jacket and this time Charles let him place it upon his bare shoulders.  
“Can you walk?” Erik asked him. His voice laced with concern. “Or even stand?”  
“No” Charles whispered, shaking his head. “I tried… It hurts”

Erik nodded his head. He could envision it, Charles trying to walk back to his room from here but unable to even stand from all the pain Erik had inflicted upon his body.

“Charles?” Erik whispered. “Charles, we need to get you inside and out of the cold”  
Charles, whose body was trembling and not just from the weather, looked up at Erik and merely nodded his head in agreement, Erik could see tear stains upon his friend’s face which tore at his heart. He could remember wiping the tears from his cheeks.

“Charles?” he whispered. “Can I…? Will you…? I….”  
He was stammering. He didn’t know how to ask such a simple question. Erik wanted to sweep Charles into his arms but he was afraid to touch him, unsure what kind of reaction his actions would get from his terrified friend.

“Erik” Charles voice was so soft that it took a moment before Erik realized he hadn’t spoken aloud.  
“Charles?” Erik whispered in response.  
“It hurts”  
Erik’s heart broke. He reached out to touch Charles’ shoulder but froze. He wanted to help him, to reassure him, to comfort him but he didn’t know how.  
“I’m sorry” Erik’s voice cracked with emotion as he whispered two simple words to his friend. “I’m so sorry”  
He watched as Charles buried his face in his hands, his entire body wracked with sobs. 

“Charles, we can’t stay out here” Erik kept his voice low. “The guards will be patrolling here soon”  
Again Charles nodded his head but he made no attempt to move. Erik wondered if he was waiting for him to make the first move but he was still reluctant to initiate contact.  
“Charles” he was sure he was starting to sound desperate. “We have to go… Can I help you?”

The words were harder to say than he expected. Charles looked up at him with haunted eyes and slowly nodded his head for a third time. Erik slowly, gently reached out his hand and placed it upon Charles’ elbow then he climbed to his feet, urging Charles up with him. The telepath was shaky on his legs. He tried to take a step, cried out in pain and stumbled.   
Erik caught him in his arms and held him close for a brief moment. He felt Charles’ body tense at his touch but he didn’t want to let him go, fearing Charles would collapse if he wasn’t supporting his weight.

“Charles” Erik kept his voice low and gentle. “I can carry you, if you’ll let me”  
The suggestion seemed to terrify Charles. His eyes widened in fear but his body was still shaking, an equal mix of shock and the chilly night air. Erik’s jacket offered him little protection from the weather.   
Charles tried to swallow his nerves and his pride. He started to nod his head but quickly stopped. Erik deserved actual words from him, not just mute signs.  
“Okay” Charles reluctantly agreed.

Erik was almost as reluctant as Charles. He wasn’t sure how comfortable he was with the thought of carrying a naked Charles through a heavily populated CIA building but it really was their only option. The telepath didn’t seem to be with it enough to make use of his abilities.  
With shaking hands, Erik scooped Charles off the ground and pulled his barely clothed body towards him. He determinedly didn’t look at his friend as he carried him through the halls and back to his room. Erik was very stealthy; he barely made a sound as he walked and hardly moved his body so Charles didn’t feel like he was being jostled around. If anything, Erik was taking great care to be as gentle with him as possible.  
Charles closed his eyes and tried not to think at all.   
Just when he thought Shaw couldn’t humiliate him any further, he’d returned him to their lodgings completely naked in the middle of the courtyard. He wasn’t sure what he would have done had Erik not come to his aid.

He felt sick at the mere thought. That Shaw had left him out there on purpose; effectively forcing him to call on Erik for help for there was no other option. He never wanted Raven, or even Moira, to find out about this.  
Neither of them spoke as Erik made his way along the corridors as quietly as possible. He wasn’t even sure where he was meant to be going so he just continued the route he’d taken until he was back in the room with their chess game. 

Erik pushed the door closed with his powers and began to ease Charles into a nearby chair. It came as a shock when Charles’ hand closed upon his arm, not overly hard but enough to draw his attention.

“Charles?” he cautiously whispered.  
“Bathroom… Please?” Charles whispered back. “I… need… shower”  
“O… Of course”

He looked around but there was no bathroom attached to this room. Erik cursed under his breath. There were several dorm-like rooms in the building with small ensuites but he wasn’t sure how many there were or if they were all occupied. Alex, Cassidy and Darwin were staying in one; Raven and Angel were in another. Erik had been sleeping in the room where he played chess with Charles. He hadn’t once taken into account where the bathrooms were in relation to where he’d been sleeping, usually content to just wander the halls until he found what he needed but he didn’t have time for that now.

“I uh” he hesitated. “Charles, I don’t know where…?”  
“Down the hall and around the corner to the left, third door”

Erik nodded his head, shifted his hold on Charles as the door opened for him. He followed the directions given to him and found the correct room on the first try. He turned the lights on and helped his friend over to the showers, lowering him to his unsteady feet. He tried not to act surprised when Charles clung to his shirt.  
Without thinking, Erik stepped into the shower stall with Charles and slowly eased his jacket from his friend’s body. He tossed it aside then reached out and turned the water on. His own clothes were soaked instantly but he simply stood there and held his friend in his arms, watching as the water cascaded down Charles’ injured body.  
Faint bruises were already forming upon his chest. Erik thought his could see marks where his fingernails had dug into Charles’ thigh. He shifted so Charles was standing with his back to him and his face towards the water then he reached up and ran his hands through Charles’ hair, washing the traces of his come from the brunette locks.

Charles didn’t speak, barely moved, as the water washed over his skin. He closed his eyes when he saw traces of blood flowing down the drain. There were so many parts of his body that ached. He could hardly stand up but Erik was there, holding him, supporting him.  
Tears filled his eyes. The hands that had inflicted so much pain upon him were holding him so gently right now. It was hard to believe it was the same person…

No, it wasn’t! He had to remind himself of that. The man holding him right now was Erik, his friend. The person who had hurt him was Sebastian Shaw. Erik had had no control over the things his body had been forced to do to Charles.  
They stood together for a long time. Charles with his eyes closed, leaning back against Erik’s clothed, wet body. Erik had picked up a washcloth and was carefully, gently washing Charles’ body.

Erik tried not to flinch each time he saw a sign of the trauma he’d caused to his friend’s body. Charles was practically a dead weight in his arms but he knew that he needed to do this. He had to help Charles through this. The younger man was in no frame of mind to help himself so Erik was determine to do it.   
He used soap to wash every trace of blood and semen from Charles’ skin. Then he shampooed his hair, working his fingers though the damp locks and making sure it was completely clean. They stayed like that for quite some time, neither of them saying a word to the other.   
The water turned chilly and Erik reluctantly turned it off. He stepped aside as Charles braced himself upon the wall then returned with a couple of towels. Erik wrapped one around his friend and another around himself. 

The shower seemed to have revived some of Charles’ movements. The telepath grasped the towel and slowly began to dry himself off. Erik watched him as he wiped water from his own hair. He wanted a shower himself but wasn’t sure how to bring it up. Charles seemed to be staring at him though.

“You should shower yourself” Charles spoke. “Properly I mean”  
“I’m fine” Erik lied.   
“No, my friend, you’re not”

The words stung even if they weren’t meant to. Erik couldn’t help feeling a stab of pain at hearing Charles call him his friend. Friends didn’t do things like this to each other. Nothing would ever change the fact that he, Erik, had raped Charles.

“Charles” Erik began.  
“Please, Erik” Charles replied. “You’ll feel better after”  
“Nothing can make me feel better” he whispered.  
Charles smiled sadly at Erik before taking a step around him. He moved slowly towards the one small benches in the room, easing himself down onto the seat.  
“Shower” Charles insisted. “I… I’ll wait right here”

Erik stared at him for a moment. Charles meant it; he was staying until Erik was ready to leave the room. The older man reluctantly nodded his head. He turned his back, peeled off his wet clothes and tossed them aside. Then he stepped back under the showerhead and turned it on. The water was still cold but he didn’t care.   
He grabbed the soap and thoroughly washed himself, scrubbing the traces of blood and semen from his cock. A part of him hoped Charles didn’t watch him do that. Less than three minutes later, he turned the water off and picked the towel back up to dry himself.  
Charles was still sitting on the bench. Erik crossed the room and sat down beside him. He kept waiting for Charles to flinch away from him.

“Well, this is awkward” Erik said.  
Charles turned and raised his eyebrow at him.  
“My clothes are soaking wet on the floor and you don’t have any” Erik explained. “Any idea how we’re going to get back to our rooms without any clothes?”

For some reason, Charles began to laugh. The absurdity of the situation hit him and he threw his head back, laughing to the point that tears formed in his eyes. Erik watched him closely, a small smile upon his own lips. Hearing a genuine laugh from Charles was a good thing but it didn’t take long for the laughter tears to become genuine sobs. Within seconds Charles’ entire body was shaking as tears wracked him.  
Erik didn’t know what else to do so he wrapped his arms around his friend and held him tightly. Charles brought his arms up and grasped hold of Erik, clinging to him as though his life depended upon it.

“I’m sorry, Charles” Erik whispered repeatedly. “I’m so sorry”  
“It wasn’t your fault” Charles choked out through his tears. “Erik, it wasn’t your fault!”  
“I raped you, Charles”  
They both flinched as Erik finally said the words out loud.  
“No, you didn’t, HE did this… Shaw did this to us, you didn’t-”  
“I hurt you, I couldn’t stop myself… I just kept hurting you”  
“It wasn’t you, Erik”  
“Emma used my body to hurt you”  
“You can’t think like that, Erik, or they win”  
“The damage is already done, Charles… It’s all there; I can see where I hurt you”

Charles reached up and placed his hand upon Erik’s cheek.  
“It wasn’t you, Erik” Charles assured him. “We can’t let them win… They did this to us, thinking it will make us weaker and easier to beat but you’re stronger than that, Erik. I know you are”  
“I never wanted to hurt you, Charles”  
“I know”  
Erik reached up and placed his own hand on top of Charles’.  
“No, you don’t know” Erik whispered. “I never wanted to hurt you because I… Charles, I lo-”

The younger man placed his thumb upon Erik’s lips, effectively silencing him.  
“Please, don’t say it, Erik” Charles whispered. “Not here, not now”  
“Even if I don’t say it, it’ll still be true”  
“I know”

Charles averted his eyes and retracted his hand. He absently began to run his fingers along the edge of the towel. Tears were still brimming in his eyes; he tried to blink them back but they silently slipped down his cheeks.

“Charles” Erik whispered. He reached out, his fingers hovering just shy of his friend’s damp hair. He wanted to touch him, to comfort and reassure him but he hesitated. “Charles, you… I think you need a Doctor”  
“No!” Charles insisted. He grabbed hold of Erik’s hand, staring up at him with fear in his eyes. “No!”  
“Charles, please? You’re in pain, you need help”  
“No… I… I can’t”  
“Charles-”  
“No! I don’t want anyone to know… Can’t let Moira or Raven find out”  
“Please, Charles? I… I hurt you… You’re bleeding”  
“I’ll be okay”  
“No, you won’t”

The telepath shook his head no and stubbornly climbed to his feet. He was too weak to do much else. His legs shook and he stumbled. Erik leapt to his feet and caught Charles in his arms.  
“Please, Charles?” Erik begged. “Let me help you”  
“It hurts” Charles whispered.  
“I know it does but the doctor can help… take the pain away”

After several moments of staring at each other, Charles finally relented. A simple nod of the head was all it took and Erik slowly eased him back onto the bench before reaching for the emergency phone by the door. He picked it up and stared at it, trying to determine which button would call the doctor. He barked instructions to the man who answered, demanding instant yet also discrete attention. Erik hung the phone back up and returned to Charles’ side. The telepath was breathing heavily; his heart was racing as he faced the reality of having to tell a Doctor what had happened to them. 

It didn’t take long for him to arrive. He stepped into the room and frowned in confusion. Erik got to his feet and approached the man with his usual foreboding demeanour. To his credit the doctor didn’t falter though he was curious as to why both men were wrapped in towels.  
Erik swooped upon him and demanded he do all he could to tend to Charles’ injuries. When he tried to ask how he’d been hurt, Erik hesitated.   
Charles reacted differently. The second the Doctor touched him, he panicked and lashed out. Erik tried to restrain him but the telepath was too scared and tried to fight back. The Doctor had no choice but to administer a sedative. 

Erik watched as Charles’ lost consciousness. It sent a pang through his heart as he remembered Charles passing out while Shaw raped him. He held his friend in his arms, supporting his weight, before scooping him up and following the other man through the halls to the medical bay.  
Fortunately the room was empty. Erik set Charles down on the bed but didn’t move away from his friend. He pulled up a chair and sat by his side while the Doctor worked.

He answered questions as best he could but his eyes never once left Charles’ face. Erik didn’t want to see the damage he’d inflicted upon his friend’s body. He was aware of the doctor muttering something about needing stitches and he shuddered. A part of him wanted to run from the room and… what? Vomit? Throw himself off the roof?  
Erik reached out and took hold of Charles’ hand. The younger man slept soundly for the better part of an hour. When he woke up, the doctor was looking at him somewhat expectantly.

The very first thing Charles did was use his powers on the unsuspecting Doctor. He peered into his mind and took note of everything he’d observed, the care he’d taken to treat Charles and the things he’d said to Erik while he worked. He also noted that Doctor was going to request Charles not travel with the team to Russia in favour of needing rest.  
He quickly erased all memory of the encounter from his mind. Erik sat silently by his side just watching as the Doctor froze for but a moment. He was sure Charles was doing something inside his head. His suspicions were confirmed when the Doctor picked up the file of notes he’d taken of Charles’ condition and tore it up.

“Charles?” Erik whispered.  
The telepath didn’t reply. He continued to control the Doctor until all notes had been destroyed. Erik simply watched in silence until the older man had left the room and pulled the door closed behind him.

Now they found themselves alone together. Erik stared down at his shaking hands. Charles watched him closely but he didn’t say a word, just continued to stare at Erik.

“It’s late” Erik said without looking up. “You should get some rest”  
“So should you” Charles replied.

Erik nodded his head and stood up. He’d discarded the towel in favour of a pair of surgical scrubs. He sought another set of scrubs and handed them to Charles; he wasn’t sure if he should help his friend into them or not. The telepath took the garments and eased himself into them.  
The two men left the room a few minutes later. Erik took the lead, keeping an eye out for any security guards patrolling the corridors. He walked with Charles in silence until they came upon the room Charles had been sleeping in. They both stopped and stood in awkward silence.

A part of him didn’t want to be left alone but Charles was too nervous to ask Erik to stay with him. Without saying a word, Charles pushed the door open and went inside. He looked up and their eyes met very briefly before the younger man closed the door.  
Erik stayed in the hall, staring at the closed door. He didn’t want to leave Charles alone in there but he didn’t want to ask to stay with him. He was too wired to sleep so he returned to the bathroom and collected his jacket and wet clothes.  
He went back to his room, dropped the clothes on the floor and sank down onto the bed.

The chessboard was still sitting in the corner of the room. He wanted to pack it away, to forget the entire night had ever happened but he knew it wouldn’t be that easy. Erik leaned back against the wall. He used his powers to bring the coin towards him and began spinning it faster and faster as the anger inside him built.  
He didn’t sleep at all.

*

Charles climbed into bed and buried himself under the blankets. He closed his eyes but all he could think about was Sebastian Shaw and Emma Frost. He stayed curled up, hugging himself tightly all night. He didn’t sleep a wink.

It was early morning when Moira came knocking on his door. Charles tried to ignore her but he knew that was wrong. Shaw was going to Russia which meant they were going to follow and hopefully capture him.   
The CIA needed his help and he couldn’t let them down.

He found himself in a meeting room with a file open in front of him, Moira sitting on his left and Erik sitting to his right. He tried to focus, to pay attention but nothing seemed to seep into his brain.  
On occasion, he could feel Erik’s eyes on him but he couldn’t bring himself to meet his gaze. It tore him apart inside, unable to look at his best friend. Erik was his usual self, seemingly un-phased by what had happened the night before or so Charles was lead to believe. If he’d been nosey, dared to sneak a peek inside his friend’s mind then he would have known Erik was suffering just as badly as he was.

Charles found himself drawing closer to Moira in a bid to place some distance between himself and Erik. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be around the older man, it was more that he simply didn’t know what to say to him… He feared close proximity to his friend would lead to conversation which would possibly result in having to talk about what had happened and Charles just simply wasn’t ready for that.

The flight to Russia was long and uneventful. Charles spent most of it reading over files, talking with Moira and trying to nap. He never once tried to engage with Erik. The older man had taken a seat at the very back of the plane, seemingly content to keep to himself.  
But inside he was screaming… At himself, at Emma, at Shaw, at the entire situation. Every time he closed his eyes he could see himself doing terrible things to Charles and it made him feel sick. He wanted to talk to him, to apologise, to find a way to make things right but he didn’t know how.

Erik kept a close eye on Charles, trying to assess just how much physical damage he’d done to his friend’s body. Was it just his imagination or was Charles wincing as he walked? The very thought made him feel sick.   
Each time he came close to trying to talk to his friend, he’d find an excuse not to engage him… Not that Charles tried to seek him out either.  
They reached their destination and Erik found himself alone in a hotel room. Under other circumstances he would have been sharing with Charles. He wondered where the telepath was… Would he be alone too or sharing with someone else? Erik couldn’t think of anyone on this mission who’d want to share a room with a mutant, hence him having a room all to himself.  
He was sure he’d seen Charles going into a room just down the hall. Maybe now was as good a time as any to talk to him. They needed to be on alert tomorrow and couldn’t afford to be distracted… Even though he was sure that had been Shaw’s plan all along.

*

Charles was sitting alone in his hotel room, staring at the wall opposite the bed. It was late and he knew he should be sleeping, they had to get an early start in the morning but he was too restless. Every time he closed his eyes he found himself back in that room with Shaw, Emma, Azazel and Erik.  
He knew he couldn't blame Erik for his actions. The older man hadn't been in control of his own body. He wondered what that would have been like for him but Charles wouldn't dare peek into his mind. After all the horrors Erik had already endured, he'd probably already buried this memory along with so many others.

He turned to look at the other bed in the room which lay empty. Had the events of the previous night not happened, he was certain Erik would have been sleeping in that very bed right now. A part of him felt nervous, being alone in this room but he knew that he couldn't share with Erik; he just couldn't bring himself to be in such close proximity to the older man.  
Every tiny noise seemed to have him on edge. He wished for company, half convinced Azazel would appear at any given second and take him away again... But without Erik this time.

The telepath couldn't keep still, he kept fidgeting. He wanted to get up and pace around the room but it still hurt to walk. He shuddered to think how much damage Shaw and Erik had done to him... No, not Erik... It had been Erik's body but it wasn't Erik who had hurt him... It was Shaw and Emma. Not Erik.  
He kept repeating those words over and over in his mind. Not Erik... Erik would never hurt him like that. Never.

He was contemplating taking a shower then trying to sleep when there was a knock at his door. The telepath froze, staring at the locked door. He didn't need his abilities to know who it was but he checked anyway.  
Sure enough, Erik was standing on the other side of the door. He knew he could ignore him, pretend he was sleeping and hadn't heard him knocking but he also knew Erik would never fall for that.

Charles stared at the closed door, weighing his options. Several moments of silence passed before Erik, eventually, knocked again. He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to stave off an impending headache. Opening his eyes again, he slowly climbed off the bed and quietly made his away across the room. With trembling hands, Charles reached out and grasped the doorknob. He unlocked the door and finally opened it.

Erik had already turned his back, prepared to walk away and try again later. He heard the lock on the door and quickly turned around. The door was barely open, Erik could only just see Charles’ face. His eyes still had a hint of fear in them.

“I thought you’d still be awake” Erik greeted him.  
Charles didn’t say anything. He simply continued to stare at his friend without even moving. 

“Can I come in?” Erik asked. His voice was very low. He sounded nervous and unsure of himself. “It’s okay if you don’t want me to”  
“Erik-” Charles whispered.  
“I just… I think we need to talk… But if you don’t want to…”

Charles was still hesitant but he knew they couldn’t ignore the situation. They both needed to be on form and in the best state of mind in the morning. Tomorrow they would be coming face to face with Shaw. Charles wasn’t sure he was ready for that yet not after…

“Please, Charles?” Erik whispered.

The telepath didn’t speak. He barely even looked at Erik as he stepped aside, holding the door open for him. He moved into the room and sank down in the chair by the table. Erik crossed the threshold and allowed the door to swing closed behind him then he leaned back against it. He hoped Charles wouldn’t feel that he was trying to stop him from leaving but he felt it best to keep his distance from his friend.

Charles placed his hands upon the table, folding them in front of him and stared down at his interlocked fingers. He wondered if he should be the first to speak but he waited for Erik to break the silence. He found himself resisting the urge to peer into the older man’s mind.

For the first time since they’d met, Erik wished Charles would read his thoughts. He didn’t know where to begin, didn’t know how to apologize for the situation they now found themselves in and he didn’t know how to repair the damage Shaw had done to their friendship... Not to mention, the possibility of more.  
Erik’s feelings for Charles went so much deeper than those of just friendship. He’d been attracted to him from the moment they’d met and he’d spent the past few weeks trying his hardest to keep those feelings in check.

He thought back to the previous night, those moments right before Azazel had appeared. Erik had been watching Charles very closely during their chess game. Mostly because he’d been resisting the urge to take the telepath in his arms and kiss him.   
Looking back, he wished he’d taken the chance and kissed him.   
Of course it wouldn’t have changed what had happened later but his biggest regret right now was that their first kiss hadn’t happened on their own terms.

“I really wanted to kiss you last night” Erik blurted out, breaking the awkward silence in the room.  
“You kissed me a lot last night” Charles tried not to snap. He knew he shouldn’t be mad; what happened hadn’t been Erik’s fault.  
“I meant before then… When we were playing chess” he paused. “Actually, I wanted to kiss you long before that”  
“How long?”  
“Days… Weeks even”

“You told me you loved me” Charles still wouldn’t look at Erik.  
“I never wanted you to find out like that” Erik confessed.  
“So it’s true then?”  
“Yes”

The telepath was surprised that Erik didn’t even hesitate when answering his question. He wanted to look at him, see the look in his eyes but he couldn’t do it. Looking at Erik hurt too much. He couldn’t shake the memory of looking into Erik’s eyes and not seeing his friend gazing back at him.

“Charles” Erik began. “I never… I hate that Shaw made me hurt you… I hate what Shaw did to you and I hate that he used me to do it”  
“It wasn’t your fault” Charles still wouldn’t look at him.  
“Then why won’t you look at me?” Erik asked.

Charles froze but he continued to stare down at his hands. He knew Erik had every right to ask but he couldn’t bring himself to raise his head and look at the older man. The telepath closed his eyes, afraid of letting his friend see the tears beginning to form in his eyes.  
If Charles had only looked up for a second, he would have seen Erik’s torment written all over his face. The older man was also struggling to hold back tears. It broke his heart, knowing the one person he cared about more than anyone else he’d ever met wouldn’t even look at him right now... Because he’d hurt him.  
No, it wasn’t him. Erik himself hadn’t been responsible for Charles’ pain. He had to keep telling himself that.

“Charles?” Erik tried again. “Fine… No, it’s okay” he paused.  
His friend was still staring down at his hands which were shaking.  
“This was a mistake” Erik continued. “It’s late and we need to be on form to take on Shaw tomorrow”

He turned on his heel and reached for the door handle. He paused for a moment, waiting to see if Charles would try to stop him. When he didn’t hear a sound from the younger man, he took a deep breath and blinked away the single tear that had been threatening to fall.  
Erik opened the door, stepped outside and walked away. He heard the door swing closed behind him and didn’t stop until he reached his own room. Not bothering with the key, he unlocked the door and went inside. 

He knew he shouldn’t be mad at Charles. What happened between them had to have caused some kind of psychological damage but he didn’t know how to help him if he wouldn’t talk about it.  
Clenching his hands into fists, he punched the door in frustration. He was going to kill Shaw for this! And not just Shaw, Emma and Azazel would have to pay too. He wouldn’t breathe easy again until those responsible for hurting Charles had been made to pay…

*

It was easy to avoid conversation the following day. Erik and Charles were sitting next to each other in the back of the military truck, surrounded by a troop of soldiers. The drive was long and everyone was restless but no one really made conversation. If they did, none of them tried to engage either of them which suited both men just fine.  
They were each lost in their own thoughts. 

On more than one occasion, the truck made a harsh turn which sent Charles into Erik’s lap. Under other circumstances they probably would have laughed about it. The first time it happened, Charles had leapt back into his own seat as though he’d been electrocuted but by the fourth time even he was beginning to see the humour in it. It helped that the soldiers in the truck were laughing at them. For some reason they’d all managed to stay in their seats.  
One of the men pointed out that Charles was moving so much, he should just stay in Erik’s lap. Fortunately it was rather dark so none of them saw the deep shade of red the telepath turned.

Once he was settled for the umpteenth time, there was a knock from the front of the truck. Both Erik and Charles turned around and lifted the wooden flap.

“We’ve got a problem” the driver told them.  
“I’m so sorry” Moira added. “This wasn’t on the map”  
Charles leaned forward and peered out the windshield. He could see a checkpoint up ahead.

“No matter what happens, act normally. I’ll take care of this, alright?” Charles said before closing the flap. He turned back to the rest of the men in the truck and quickly told them his plan. 

The back of the truck opened and Erik watched as the two men stared into the truck, directly at them. Charles held very still, Erik stared at him in fascination. The seconds felt like hours before the man declared they were clear and closed the truck up. Charles fell back into his seat with relief that it had worked. Erik reached out and gently, gratefully, petted the younger man’s knee.   
For the briefest second, he saw Charles smile back at him.

*

Hearing Charles say that Shaw wasn’t coming then Moira declare the mission was scrubbed set Erik off. He couldn’t accept that. So Shaw wasn’t going to show up, he could still get him later but Emma was right there. She was the one who had mind controlled him into hurting the man he loved. He couldn’t just get up and walk away, not when she was so close. He didn’t care what Moira said, wasn’t even listening to her by this point.

“I’m not CIA” he told her before climbing to his feet and moving away. He heard Charles call out to him but he ignored him too. Nothing was going to stop him from getting to her.  
He took off, running, using his powers to control all the metal around him and taking out every guard that tried to stop him. Once inside the large house, he encountered more guards pointing their metal guns at him. He barely batted an eyelid as he knocked each of them out in turn.

It took him several minutes to determine which direction to go. The estate was large and he didn’t know which room they had gone into. He heard someone running behind him and turned to defend himself but was surprised to see Charles at the end of the hall.  
Of course the younger man had followed him. It was just the type of thing he would do… Put himself in danger for Erik. Was it just his imagination or was Charles limping? Running couldn’t be good for him, not in his… condition. Erik tried to push his feelings of guilt aside as Charles caught up to him.

“I’m not leaving here without her” Erik stated. Charles nodded his head, slightly out of breath. “Where are they?”  
Charles knew there was no point trying to reason with the older man and simply pointed up the stairs.

They burst through the door into the bedroom at the same time and froze at the unusual sight before them. The two men glanced at each other, exchanging a confused look. Emma stared at them as Charles used his powers to put the Russian General to sleep.  
Emma quickly shifted into her diamond form, effectively blocking Charles’ ability to access her mind. Seeing her in this form brought all of Erik’s feelings of anger and hatred to the surface. It was exactly how she’d looked as she’d controlled his mind, manipulated his body and forced him to hurt the man standing beside him. 

She taunted them before trying to run for it. Emma came at them and both men moved together as one. They each grasped an arm and forced her back towards the bed. Once she was pinned down, the metal bedframe came to life and wrapped itself around her legs and arms.

“Where’s Shaw?” Erik asked her.  
She continued to struggle against the metal bonds holding her in place, completely ignoring his question. Erik clenched his hand into a fist, frustration overwhelming him. 

“Where’s Shaw?” he asked again. Emma began to laugh at him.  
“What’s the matter, sugar?” she asked. “Didn’t have enough fun with him the other night? Because it’s all he’s talked about since… Says it was a mistake to let that one go” she nodded towards Charles. “He enjoyed playing with you” 

Erik felt the anger in him beginning to rise. He controlled the metal frame, coaxing it around her neck.  
“Erik” Charles warned him.  
The metal continued to constrict, not only around her neck but also digging deeper into her arms and legs.  
“That’s enough” Charles said. Erik shook his head. It would never be enough to undo the damage she’d done. He continued to manipulate the metal, cutting deeper and deeper into her neck.  
“Erik, that’s enough” Charles insisted.   
But Erik ignored him, giving in to the anger and hatred he was feeling towards her. He saw the metal nicking around her neck and still he pushed further.

“Erik!” Charles grabbed hold of his friend’s arm, almost pleading with him. “Stop this! It’s enough”  
“It will never be enough, Charles” Erik declared through gritted teeth. “Not for what she made me do to you!”  
“But killing her will not change that” Charles explained.   
“She… Deserves this”  
“Erik, please?”

He watched as several cracks began to appear around Emma’s neck and she shifted out of her diamond form, back to her usual self. She glared up at Erik in annoyance.  
“She’s all yours, Charles” Erik stated as he took a step back and sank down into the armchair. If he stayed too close to her, he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t try to choke her again.   
Charles took a step forward, towards Emma and raised his hand to his temple. Erik knew the younger man was about to read her mind. He was impressed with how composed his friend was despite his proximity to the woman who had orchestrated what had happened between them.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Emma asked Charles.  
Erik wasn’t sure what his friend could see inside her mind but it was clear to him that whatever it was rattled him. The younger man’s eyes were wide with fear and he took a step back.

“Stop it” Charles insisted.  
“I’m just being nice, sugar” Emma explained. “You passed out before they could get to the good part”  
Erik was on his feet in a second. He determinedly marched right up to Emma, clenched his fist and it connected with her cheek. She lost consciousness within seconds.  
He turned around and found Charles on his knees, shaking slightly. Erik hurried to his friend’s side, placed his hand upon the younger man’s arm then pulled Charles into a hug.

“Charles?” Erik began. “Charles, are you okay?”  
The telepath shook his head, blinking back tears as he stared at Emma’s unconscious body.  
“What did you see?” Erik asked him.  
Charles quickly broke free of his friend’s embrace and staggered to his feet. He turned his back to Erik, his body still shaking.  
“Charles?”  
“Don’t, Erik… Just… Don’t… I’m going to tell Moira we caught her”

Charles turned on his heel and quickly walked out of the room. Erik watched him go, wondering just how much damage Emma had done to his friend and how much work he was going to have to do to fix it.

*

The next hour passed in a blur as the CIA troops moved in and took control of the situation. Erik was waiting for someone to turn on him, abuse him for not following protocol but nothing was said. He wandered the estate, looking for Charles but the younger man was nowhere to be found.  
He didn’t see his friend until they were back in the truck, heading back in the direction they’d come from that morning. 

Hours later, Erik found himself back at the same dingy hotel they’d stay in the previous night. He saw Charles with Moira and decided to leave him be for the time being. The older man secluded himself inside his room and didn’t come back out until very late that evening.  
Enough time had passed; it was time for him and Charles to talk.

He walked the grounds, taking a few moments to think about what he was going to say to the younger man. Then he headed for Charles’ room. He reached up and knocked three times upon the door. Several minutes passed with so response. He tried again. Still nothing.  
Erik sighed to himself then decided there was only one option. He used his ability to unlock the door and went inside. The door blew closed behind him and he turned to look around the room. It was empty. Charles wasn’t there.   
Frowning in confusion, he wondered where the younger man may have disappeared to then he noticed the closed bathroom door and heard the sound of running water.

Charles was in the shower.   
Erik pulled up a chair and set himself down at the table, crossing his arms before him, prepared to wait. He would stay here as long as necessary. He wasn’t going anywhere until they’d talked about this.  
He reasoned that it couldn’t be long before Charles finished up and came back out but ten minutes passed… He began to find that odd but gave him another five minutes. Then another five minutes.  
In his mind, he tried to determine what was an acceptable amount of time to spend in the shower but even if Charles had waited until the second Erik had stepped into the room, surely twenty five minutes was too long for a standard shower…

Erik climbed to his feet and walked across the room to the bathroom. He reached out and placed his hand upon the closed door. It fell open at his touch and he nervously stepped into the tiny room.   
Steam was fogging up the mirror and the shower screen but even over the sound of the running water, he could hear sobbing. His eyes took a moment to focus through the steam and he pushed the shower curtain back.   
Curled up in the bathtub under the hot running shower, was a sobbing Charles. Erik didn’t even think, he quickly reached for a towel as the metal taps switched off on their own.

Charles’ skin was a deep shade of red, the result of being under a hot shower for so long. As the water switched off, the younger man raised his head and found himself staring up at the concerned face of his friend.

“Charles?” Erik whispered. He dropped to his knees beside his friend and draped the towel across his shoulder then he gently placed his arm around him too. Charles turned into the touch, buried his face in Erik’s chest and cried.

Everything about the embrace was awkward.   
From the way Erik tentatively touched his friend; to the angle they were both sitting, to the fact that Charles was naked yet again in Erik’s arms. But neither one of them moved nor spoke. Erik kept his arm around Charles, even dared to place a single kiss to the crown of his head. Not once did the younger man flinch at Erik’s touch yet he continued to sob.

“Its’ okay” Erik tried to reassure him. “You’ll be okay, Charles… It’s all over now”   
“It… hurts” Charles whispered.  
“I know… I know… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”  
“I couldn’t stop it… my powers…”  
“Shhhhhhh… It’s okay… It’s okay”

And so the two men sat there, Charles crying into his friend’s chest, Erik’s arm gently draped around the younger man’s shoulder. Silence engulfed them as Erik gazed down at his broken friend. He wished he knew what to say, how to ease his pain, how to make it all go away… But even now, as he stared at the sobbing mess that was Charles, all he could think about was that night.  
All he could see was Charles in his arms with tears streaming down his face as Erik roughly, harshly, thrust his cock in and out of his friend’s body. He could remember reaching up and wiping the tears from Charles’ face… Something he wanted to do right now but was afraid to, the last thing he wanted was to scare the younger man any more than he already was.  
Time ticked away very slowly. Neither one of them moved or spoke for most of it. Erik’s leg had gone to sleep yet he still didn’t move then he noticed the inevitable. With the water being switched off and Charles still sitting naked in the bathtub, the telepath was beginning to shiver from the cold. The damp towel offered no warmth. 

Erik opened and closed his mouth several times, attempting to find the right words to say. He was in complete control of himself yet he felt as helpless as he had that night. His arm remained around Charles’ shoulder as he was hesitant to move but knew he needed to.

“Charles?” he finally whispered. His voice sounded strained to his own ears. “Let’s get you out of here”

He was gentle as he helped the younger man to his feet. Erik took hold of Charles’ hand as he helped him out of the tub. Neither one of them looked at the other as Charles pulled away from Erik and hastily rubbed the damp towel over his body. The older man took a step back, trying to give Charles his personal space yet remain close enough should his friend need him. Charles stumbled as he tripped over the discarded towel. Erik didn’t hesitate to reach out for him.  
The two men then made their way back into the main room. With a wave of his free hand, Erik brought Charles’ bag across the room towards them. Charles reached out and took it from him, dropping it onto the bed.

Erik once again took a step back as Charles rummaged through the bag and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. The older man’s eyes scanned his friend’s naked chest and back. He felt an unease wash over him when he saw the faint bruises upon the telepath’s neck.  
He closed his eyes to avoid looking at the damage. He opened them when he heard Charles put his bag aside. Erik watched as Charles moved around the bed, he was still shivering slightly from being naked and cold for so long. 

“Charles?” Erik whispered. “You should lie down, try to get warm”  
The younger man simply nodded his head in agreement. Erik moved forward and pulled the bedspread down. Charles was still shaking as he climbed into the bed, moving over to lie in the middle. Erik covered his friend with the sheet then sat down on the edge of the mattress.

“We should talk” Erik began. Charles shook his head as tears formed in his eyes. “Please, Charles?”  
“No, I…” the younger man looked up at his friend. “I’m not…”  
“Charles, please? What were you doing in there?”  
“It hurts, Erik…”  
“What did she do to you today?” Erik’s voice was gentle yet filled with concern.  
“Nothing” Charles replied defensively.  
“Charles, please talk to me”

The telepath sat up, pulling the blanket to his neck and staring down at the odd pattern on the bedspread. He swallowed hard as he shook his head.

“I know she did something to you, in your head, please… tell me” Erik whispered.  
“No… I… Can’t”   
“Yes, you can… Please, Charles?”

Erik slowly reached out but stopped just shy of physically touching his friend.  
“She taunted you” he continued. “I heard her… What did you see?”  
“She… I saw… that night” Charles whispered as he continued to stare down at the pattern on the sheets and not at Erik’s face. “The things Shaw did after I… after I passed out”  
“I’m so sorry, Charles” Erik’s voice was barely audible.  
“It wasn’t your fault” he insisted.  
The older man turned away and averted his gaze.  
“I hurt you, Charles… Shaw made me hurt you” he whispered. “I couldn’t stop him, couldn’t stop it… I did things to you… I… I…”

In that moment, Charles realized Erik was crying. He sat up and reached towards his friend. He’d never seen the older man in such a state. He wasn’t exactly sure what to do.

“Erik?” he began. “Erik, no-”  
“I know I hurt you” Erik continued. “And I don’t know how to fix it… I can’t take it back and I can’t make the pain go away… Every time I look at you, I see the pain I caused… I can see myself hurting you and being unable to stop it!”  
“Erik-”

Charles stared at the older man in complete shock. He watched as Erik moved towards him, reached out and grasped his hand then stared intently into Charles’ eyes with tears brimming in his own eyes.  
“Please, Charles?” Erik began. “Please?”  
“Erik? Please… What?” he was confused. He couldn’t understand the sudden erratic change in Erik’s behaviour.  
“Please, Charles? I need you to make me forget”  
“Forget?”

Erik leapt away from the telepath and began to pace back and forth around the room.  
“I… I can’t live with it!” he declared. “The… the memory of what I did to you… I need you to erase it, to take it from me, please?”  
He kept his back to the telepath so he couldn’t see the look of shock on his friends’ face. Charles stared at the older man’s back, watching as Erik paced and wiped tears from his eyes at the same time. He couldn’t believe what Erik was asking of him.

The older man finally stopped pacing when he felt Charles’ hand on his arm. He froze and looked up in surprise. He hadn’t even heard his friend get out of bed or walk across the room towards him.

“Charles?” Erik asked.  
“Erik, please” Charles began. “Please don’t ask me to do this”  
“I know you can do it”

The telepath looked down at his hand upon Erik’s arm. By not looking at him, his friend wouldn’t be able to see the sadness in his eyes.  
“I can” Charles whispered as tears brimmed in his own eyes. “But I can’t…”  
“Charles?” Erik’s voice shook with pain. “Please?”  
“Please don’t make me”  
“I can’t make you but I’m asking, begging, please Charles?”  
“I… I don’t want you to beg or ask or…” he trailed off as he backed away from Erik.  
“Charles-”

The younger man stared down at his own hands, unable to look at Erik any longer. He’d never seen his friend in such a state before.   
Erik couldn’t tear his gaze away from Charles, watching through his tear filled eyes as the telepath moved farther away until he stumbled back against the mattress.   
“Charles” Erik started again. “I’ve done a lot of terrible things in my life but… Hurting you… Doing those things to you… I can’t go on like this… With the memory of what Shaw made me do to you”

When Charles finally looked up to meet Erik’s eyes, the older man could see the tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. He wanted, so badly, to reach out and touch him, to comfort and wipe his tears away but he couldn’t bring himself to move any closer.  
His heart was pounding in his chest as he stared at Charles. He didn’t know what else to say to him short of begging or pleading but he’d been desperate enough to ask for his help now he was just waiting for Charles to agree.  
Not that he really expected the telepath to help him. Charles didn’t owe him anything. He knew he was out of his depth by even asking for something like this but he truly was desperate.

“Please Charles?” he whispered. “I need you to do this for me… To take the memories from me… I… I can’t go on like this…” Erik sank down into the chair and buried his face in his hands. “Every time I close my eyes, I see what Shaw made me do… I see you in pain… See myself causing you pain and I… I can’t…”

Charles couldn’t speak. He sat mutely as he shook his head from side to side in a silent ‘No’   
Tears were still brimming in his eyes yet he couldn’t tear his gaze away from Erik’s defeated form. He knew exactly how his friend felt, knew he could so easily appease the older man’s guilt but he also knew that he couldn’t do it.

“I can’t” Charles whispered very softly.  
“You can” Erik replied as he finally looked up and met his friend’s tear filled eyes. The two men stared at each other for a very long time. “Please?”  
“I don’t want to”   
Charles’ voice was barely audible but the words felt like the echoed in Erik’s head.  
“But I need you to” Erik whispered.  
Charles shook his head from side to side once more. He was finding it so difficult to explain himself. 

“Erik, no, please don’t make me” Charles said very softly. “Don’t make me be the only one forced to live with the memory”  
These words hit Erik harder than any physical attack. He closed his eyes in defeat and his entire body felt like it had been deflated.   
How had that not occurred to him? That erasing the memory from his own mind wouldn’t change Charles’ thoughts or feelings.

“Oh” Erik opened his eyes and found himself gazing down into the tear filled eyes of his friend. “Charles… I’m sorry… I… I didn’t think”  
“No, you didn’t” Charles agreed.  
“I just can’t… Can’t stand… Every time I look at you, I see myself hurting you and I… I hate it! I hate what Shaw made me do to you”  
“I hate it too Erik but I can’t change it, any more than you can… taking the memory from you… it won’t change what happened, won’t undo the things that were done… The pain that it caused”  
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I hurt you and I’m sorry I didn’t think”

Charles reached out and placed his hand upon Erik’s cheek.  
“I could do it” Charles began. “I could take your pain away, make things easier for you but it won’t help you. Deep down, in the back of your mind, you’ll look at me and know that I’m looking at you differently-”  
“You already are”  
“But you won’t know why and I’ll never be able to tell you why”  
“Charles-”  
“It wasn’t your fault” the younger man insisted. “You… I know it wasn’t you, Erik… That Shaw did this to us”  
“I should have fought harder” Erik replied. “Should have tried harder to protect you”  
“It’s not your job to protect me, Erik”  
“It should be! Because I…”   
Erik trailed off but he raised his own hand and covered Charles’ with it. He leaned in and placed a kiss to the younger man’s palm.

“I know it wasn’t you, Erik” Charles said very softly. “I know that when Shaw was hurting us, I looked into your eyes but it wasn’t you looking back at me”  
“But it was you looking at me” Erik replied, his voice equally as low. “I could see the pain, the fear, the tears in your eyes and I couldn’t do anything to stop it”  
“We can’t change that and we can’t let it control us either. Shaw did this to us so he could tear us apart”  
“I don’t want that, Charles”  
“Neither do I”  
“I don’t want to lose you”

The words lingered in the air between them for several beats of Charles’ heart. His hand was still resting on Erik’s cheek, the older man’s hand still covering his but then Erik took the lead. He gently grasped his friend’s hand in his and lowered it, holding and cradling Charles’s fingers in his own. His eyes stared at their entwined fingers before slowly trailing up to meet the startling blue eyes that were gazing up at him.

“I don’t want to lose you, either” Charles said to break the silence.  
“But I don’t know how to fix this, Charles” Erik confessed.  
“Saying we need to be fixed, implies that we’re broken”  
“We are, Charles”  
“No, we’re not… We’re stronger than that, stronger than him and we can get through this”

“Shaw forced me to rape you” Erik said through clenched teeth. He couldn’t ignore the way Charles flinched at the word.  
“You don’t have to remind me” Charles replied.  
“How will you ever be able to look at me the same way after this?”  
“Exactly, I won’t be… But I will see you in an entirely different way… I see someone who won’t let something like this destroy a friendship”

The older man reluctantly released Charles’ hand from his grasp.  
“It’s not the friendship I’m worried about”   
Erik didn’t say the words out loud yet Charles heard them perfectly in his mind. He stared up at his friend from beneath his lashes. His eyes the brightest shade of blue Erik had ever seen them, glistening with unshed tears.

“Erik” Charles trailed off, unsure of what to say to the older man.  
“Charles, please-” Erik began but the telepath was quick to silence him by placing his finger to Erik’s lips.  
“Don’t” the younger man whispered.   
“Don’t what?”  
“Don’t say it”  
“Say… what?”

“Now isn’t the time” Charles pleaded.  
Erik reached up and took hold of Charles’s hand, grasping it and placing it upon his own chest. He hoped Charles could feel his heart beating erratically.   
“Then when?” Erik whispered. “When is, Charles?”  
“I can’t, Erik”  
“Can’t what?”  
“I can’t let you say it”  
“Why not?”  
“Because that would make it real”  
“This is real, Charles” Erik insisted. “And saying three little words or not saying them to you; won’t change anything. It’ll still be true”

Charles reached up with his other hand and placed it upon Erik’s cheek, causing the older man to lean into his touch.  
“True or not” Charles continued. “I can’t… I want to… I do”  
“Charles” Erik couldn’t help smiling. He loved it when the telepath rambled. “If we both feel the same way then maybe we don’t need to say it but I want you to hear the words from me first”

Charles shook his head but he didn’t try to stop Erik again.  
“I should have told you the truth sooner” Erik began. “I wanted to… That night, before Shaw… That is, before Azazel turned up and took you away… took us away…”  
“Erik-”  
“I should have kissed you then”

A small gasp escaped Charles’ lips but he didn’t say anything.  
“I wanted to” he continued. “I’ve wanted to ever since we first met but I was afraid… And I’ve never been afraid of anything in my life…”  
“Erik-”  
“When you kissed me, when Shaw was making me do that to you, I couldn’t do anything… I couldn’t kiss you back, couldn’t tell you how badly I’d longed for that very moment… You kissed me with such passion, desperation, and an intensity that took my breath away”  
“Please, don’t-“  
“Tell me you don’t feel the same and I’ll walk away”

“You can’t” Charles insisted. “You can’t walk away from Shaw any more than I can”  
“I meant from us” Erik replied.  
“There is no us, Erik… There can’t be”  
“Because of Shaw? Because of what he made me do to you? I don’t want that, Charles… I don’t want our only time together to be… be because of him”  
“I can’t, Erik… I can’t be with you, not the way you want me to”  
“Because you don’t feel the same?”

Charles blinked back a fresh wave of tears and he tried to pull away from his friend yet Erik was reluctant to lose the physical contact.  
“No, it’s not that” he whispered.  
“I just need to know what you feel-” Erik started but Charles cut him off.  
“I feel everything, Erik. My feelings, your feelings, feelings of pain and suffering and humiliation and everything else Shaw put both of us through”

“Tell me, Charles” Erik slid his arm around the telepath’s waist. “Tell me you don’t feel what I feel”  
“I can’t… I can not lie to you, my friend” Charles admitted.  
“Then let’s stop talking in circles” Erik continued. “I love you, Charles and I’m so, so sorry for what I did to you”  
“What Shaw did… Not you”  
“I can see it in your eyes, can feel it in your body, Charles… The tension… You’re on edge at my very touch”

Charles broke away, placing several paces between them.  
“I know” the younger man cried. “And that’s why I can’t do this, Erik!”  
“You can’t tell me you love me and you can’t tell me you don’t”  
“I know what I said… That I don’t want this to come between us, to change things between us… But it has and it will”  
“You don’t have to be afraid of me, Charles”  
“I’m not… That is, I’m trying not to be… I know, deep down, that it wasn’t you but… Once I say the words out loud, admit to myself and to you how I really feel… I still won’t be able to… To…”  
He trailed off but he was projecting an image into Erik’s mind, of the two of them in bed together. They were kissing with such passion, such love, their bodies joined as one, thrusting gently against the other.  
The very image cut straight to Erik’s heart.

“You said yourself, when you touched me, my body tensed” Charles said. “How long will you be willing to wait for me to be ready to be with you?”  
“As long as I have to, Charles” Erik insisted. “I love you… And being with you, physically or not being with you at all… It won’t change those feelings”  
“I can’t ask that much of you, Erik”  
“You’re not asking, I’m offering”  
“I do love you, Erik… That’s why I kissed you when I did… I felt that I had nothing left to lose… I tried and tried to break through Emma’s control on your mind but she was too strong… So I tried the only other option and I kissed you and I felt it… Felt you fighting her, felt you kissing me back… But then she was there, controlling you again and I lost you… And then Shaw broke me”

“No!” Erik insisted. He took a step towards Charles and reached out a hand to offer comfort to his friend but caught himself in time. “No, Charles, Shaw didn’t break you… You were stronger than he anticipated and you survived what he put you through… What we put you through”  
“I’ve been too afraid to admit it, even to myself that I fear he’ll come back and do it all again”  
“Charles-”  
“You can’t tell me you haven’t had the same thought”  
“I can… I know Shaw, Charles and he won’t come after you like that again. For now, he thinks he’s won… That he’s destroyed you; destroyed us… He did what he did because he knows that together we’re stronger than him, that we can defeat him…”  
“Erik”  
“Charles, we captured Emma… We made sure that she wouldn’t be able to control either of us again… And now, without Emma to help him, we’ve dealt Shaw an impossible hand. We’re stronger than him, now more than ever”

Erik reached out a hand, willing Charles to meet him halfway. The younger man hesitated. His eyes shifted from Erik’s outstretched hand to his face, his eyes were silently pleading with him.  
Charles’ own hand was trembling as he raised it and slowly slid his hand into Erik’s, gently entwining their fingers. He looked up and stared into the older man’s deep eyes.

“Erik-” he began.  
“Charles” Erik cut him off. “I don’t have to remind you that the mind is a powerful thing… Your mind, your gifts are a thing of beauty. It’s your greatest asset, our most powerful weapon and you must never forget that. You’re the strongest mutant I’ve ever met and I will not let Shaw make you doubt yourself”

Unable to resist any longer, Erik leaned down and captured Charles’ lips in a deep kiss. The second their lips touched, he felt the hesitation, the reluctance from his friend to return the embrace. He didn’t push for anything more. Erik simply pulled away and glanced down into Charles’s eyes.  
“I’m sorry” he whispered. “But I couldn’t not do that… I had to kiss you even if it was just once”  
Charles merely nodded his head, unable to speak.

“Thank you for taking the time to talk to me” Erik suddenly turned very formal, like they were discussing business arrangements or something mundane. “It’s very late and I believe we have an early flight tomorrow”  
“Erik”  
“I… I’ve said all I have to say, Charles. I love you. Yet I also take full responsibility for what’s happened between us. I want you by my side and not just in this fight against Shaw. You’re the first person in my life who saw something good inside me, who believed in me, who trusted me… And you’re the one person I never wanted any harm to come to… Yet I allowed Shaw to hurt you”  
“No!” Charles insisted. “I won’t let you blame yourself for what Shaw did to us”

He took another step closer to Erik.  
“And I won’t let it come between us, either” Charles whispered. “I love you, Erik, and I… I want you; I want us… but… I… I can’t… Not physically… Not yet anyway”  
“I told you, Charles, I’ll wait as long as I have to”  
“Will you stay with me tonight?” Charles asked nervously.  
“Here in your room?” Erik replied.  
“Yes… I don’t want to be alone, not tonight… Not any night”  
“Of course I’ll stay with you, Charles. For as many nights as you need me to”

Charles’ lips curled into a nervous smile as Erik kicked off his shoes. The older man then used his ability to ensure the door and windows are all locked. He crossed the room and sank down in the chair he’d occupied earlier, waiting for Charles to say something.   
The telepath returned to his bed and slipped under the covered, his eyes never once left Erik’s.

“If you’re just going to sit down all night” Charles began. “You could sit a little closer”  
“You mean in the other bed?” Erik asked, nodding towards the second bed in the room.  
“I… I meant…” he nodded to the vacant spot beside him in the large double bed.  
“I don’t wish to overstep… I promised you space”  
“You promised me time to recover, I feel safer with you here in the room. I won’t know how I feel about you being close until you are close…”

Erik hesitated for a moment before getting to his feet and crossing the room. He eased himself onto the bed and settled on top of the duvet with the pillow behind his back so he was sitting upright.  
Charles moved closer, sliding under Erik’s arm and settling himself against the older man’s chest. For a brief moment Erik wasn’t sure if he was meant to touch his friend or not.

“It’s okay” Charles whispered.  
“Are you sure?” Erik asked. “I don’t want you to feel-”  
“Erik, I’m not made of glass… But we have to start somewhere”  
Erik reached out and turned the light off, plunging them both into darkness. He lowered his arm and wrapped it gently around his friend’s shoulder. Charles tensed for a brief moment but recovered quickly enough.  
“Thank you, Erik” Charles whispered.  
“Don’t thank me, Charles, I don’t deserve it”  
“Yes, you do… We both do”

The older man didn’t know what else to say. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to Charles’ forehead.  
“That’s enough, Charles” Erik whispered. “Try to get some sleep”  
“Will you hold me all night?” Charles asked.  
“I’ll hold you for the rest of our lives… Or until you tell me to let go”  
“Never let go, Erik. Never let me go”

Erik smiled sadly into the darkness then closed his own eyes. He fell asleep long after Charles, both clinging to each other in a desperate bid to hold back each of their nightmares.


End file.
